Tonight I was supposed to get all dolled up, get out my favourite pair of shoes, the little black dress that hugs my figure just where every girl likes to be hugged, and paint my face with products bought with gold. But I decided that tonight was a night where by I needed to just sit and reflect about certain aspects of my life.
I know the majority of you wont read this,either because A) you dont really pay attention to notes people share publically,B) you have more interesting things to do on here, like tag people in photos, or wish someone close to you a happy birthday or fair well. But I thought I would share this with you all, just purely because sometimes, people who read things with fresh eyes can offer solutions, or have answers to things that are unconciously being asked.
Life throws alot of challanges at you over the years. Thats why the phrase “Life is hard” is well known by the human species. But sometimes we all need some good things to happen, to make life seem a little more less hard than it actually is.
The past year or so has probably been the toughest time in my life yet, with sudden losses in friendships, people moving on with their lives, and people not being around anymore. But this is what is apparantly meant to make us bette,r and stronger people as we are supposed to learn from our experiances.
The past year has made me a much stronger person, thanks to new people in my life, showing me new ways of thinking, and new care free routes to dealing with challenges that life throws at you. Its not until something leaves your life, that you suddenly realise the cause and effects that it actually has on your growth and development.
Since March of last year, I would say that I have changed alot in both personality, and the way I look at life in general. Certain events have made me stronger, and distanting myself from other aspects, has made me a more independant person because of new challenges that have been put in place for me to tackle. At the time, I know I thought that I was going through hell. But I look back on it now as a hurdle that I needed to get over, to make me who I am now. Realising how can anyone like the real you unless you accept yourself, and not change to suit others expectations, has made me look at the way I am in a different light.
I have always been the type of person to change myself to make others happy. Always doing my best to make people happy even if I am not. But then there was ONE person who accepted me for who I really was. OK I was not totally perfect in some of the things I did (who is?), but they actually liked me for who I was and id never felt happier. Because of them I found new confidence and happyness through being ME! This person never pointed out my faults, and always praised my efforts and attempts to just be who I wanted to be. I just want to thank you for making me realise that there may be a few aspects of myself that needed to be changed, but other than that, there was nothing wrong with me.(I just hope if you read this you will realise who you are).
Loosing people who are close to you, makes you more aware of life and the people around you. Trusting people also becomes harder as you make friends and loose people close to you. This is something I have always had a problem with. I either trust people too much and get let down, or dont trust people at all and push them away. By this I have learnt that I am easily influenced by others, and also let people influence my thoughts and actions.
People have always tried telling me who is bad and that I should not be getting myself involved with them, but they were wrong. And im just glad that I listened to my head and got to know the “villan” for myself. Because the “villan” turned out to be the only person that has ever made sense to me.
I spent a VERY long time in a relationship of 4.5 years, where by I spent every hour of every day with that person and lost alot of my friends and my confidence with it. But although that person seemed bad at the time, they actually made me learn the value of friendships, trust, respect, love and loss.
He made me appretiate the real friends in my life, and helped me to forget past times which should never affect me. After breaking up and not really being in contact for a year, it has made me appretiate everything good he ever did for me, and the things he sacrificed for me. Your friendship has been the best thing that happened between us, and now your going away and I wish you the best of luck for the future in all that you do. It has been hard, and there has been many tears along the way. But through all the bad times, I wouldnt of changed a thing, because you were a huge part of my life.
I now look at life in a different way, and eventhough it has taken me a long time to get to this stage through many lessons ,I have had to learn from, I know when to trust, when to believe, when to walk away, and when to fight for what I want and what I believe is right.
Sometimes you may be scared to take a risk in life incase the conciquence is not what you hoped for. But sometimes you may be presantly surprised, that the end may just be a new beginning, and that the enemy, infact helped you the most, and that the labelled, infact made a difference, and that peoples views and opinions are only THEIR own personal prejudices, and that the only thing that matters in life is what makes YOU happy, and that YOU are happy with YOUR decisions. Because life is what YOU make it.
I faught for things I beleived in, and because of it I am glad of the experiances it threw at me, and the new paths it opened for me. Because without doing it, I could have lost the most important things in my life…… BEING LOVED FOR ME.xxxx 🙂