A Fanboy’s Defense of LeBron James, After Game 3 of the 2015 NBA Finals or, If Comic Book Guy Loved the NBA

LeBron James is the best there ever was at every statistic in the game. If you disagree, shut up, or I’ll come to your home and make you watch videos of all LeBron’s best games. (Yes, I know where you live, because LeBron told me.) Which could take a while, because that means every game he’s ever played in.

As everyone but you knows, LeBron scored every basket, grabbed every rebound, and made every steal and block in every game, even the games played before he was born. He did that for the opposing team, too, because they couldn’t do it against him and he felt sorry for them. He also coaches the team himself (David Blatt being a figurehead) as well as the other team (meaning all other teams begged him to temporarily replace their own coach during the game).

There should be college courses taught on LeBron James; they ideally would be required for every major. If Stephen “Chicken” Curry wants to stop fooling himself and become a great player, he should start by changing his first name to LeBron. Best…player…ever. We are all witnesses. Buy whatever product or service LeBron tells you to buy on television or the internet.


P.S. I have a master’s degree in folklore and mythology.